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LJL 500 post contest
ljl
Posts: 819 ✭
It's contest time!!! Here's the contest: I recently took a mini vacation. 1) What dates did this happen? 2) Where did I go?
Here's where it gets fun for you...2 - 10 stogie prizes one for the best actual guess, one for the best (judged by yours truly) made up story. YOU CAN WIN BOTH PRIZES (neither of which will be fictional)!!! Fire away.
Here's where it gets fun for you...2 - 10 stogie prizes one for the best actual guess, one for the best (judged by yours truly) made up story. YOU CAN WIN BOTH PRIZES (neither of which will be fictional)!!! Fire away.
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Candie? Faith?
NOT ljl I repeat NOT ljl.....
¨Only two people walk around in this world beardless - boys and women - and I am neither one.¨
You went tot he Willy Wonka Factory.
Got stuck in the champaigne bubble room with a hot oompa loompa
--Well she wasnt hot but once you got your champaigne bubble beer goggles on anything was in play.--
She called a couple of her freinds up
the only thing you remember is waking up next to 3 naked purple oompa loompas.
You are now constantly worried that in the next few weeks you are going to get a wakeup call stating you are soon to be the proud father of a little - pun intended - oompa loompa......
Seriously you went to Niagra falls over memorial day and got arrested trying to go over the falls in a barrell.
So, you stayed, got a job on a tobacco farm, and lived the good life... not even giving a second thought to the life from which you came from.
The big day came where your child was to be born.... all old school, in a barn on the farm. After hours and hours, just before the final push, the is a great flash of light in the sky... and you are suddenly back on the plane headed home... just 5 days after your vacation started. Fun was had.. but who would believe you? Traveled back in time in cuba? Insanity. ... there are the stories of the farm, the woman, the cigars you smoked with castro... and OH!! The Pulled Pork sandwiches were amazing!
But what ever happened to your child...? You almost saw it born! ... its probably a good thing you didnt though. Can you imaging the head f*$k it would have been to see your self born!?!?!?!?
Disclaimer: Im a huge x-files fan, have watched 5 seasons of Lost in the last 2 months, and generally have an insane imagination.
I was gonna say, you had the whole Desmond Lost thing going on lol
So off to southern Fla. you embark, packing everyone and everything in the old fake wood-sided grocery getter and hit the American highway. The youngest are in the way back on carpeted plywood with no seats and nothing to do but pick on each other. Two enriching days later you cross the town line and proudly announce "here we are!" to grumbling responses.
Once all settled in to the hotel and one pool swim under the belt you devise a plan. For days it ferments in your mind, all the details filling in, until your moment finally arises; the wifey says she wants to go do some shopping and you spring into action! "Great" you say, "I was gonna ask the kids if they wanted to go learn some Cuban history down in little Havana. It'll be fun!"
"Ahhh..." she responds..."maybe I'll just take the kids with me."
"Well, okay. If you insist." You sly dog. You head down to cigar-ville and start smoking cigar after cigar in every store and shop you walk into. This is heaven, and way better than shopping. Finally, after many dollars have left your debit account, a quiet little man with a crook in his neck asks you if you want to see The Don. Yup!
Into his pale white mystery machine you climb and settle into a faded milk crate of a seat and drive out onto a heavily forested dirt road. No other cars pass by. He pulls the van off on to a small rutted side road and you bounce along for another hour before stopping in the middle of nowhere. Down a little marked footpath he leads you through more mosquitos than you've ever read about until finally the forest canopy breaks and you are in a field of rich smelling tobacco. Then, you see him, the man himself:
My God, could it be true? In a haze of disbelief you look around for some sort of reality grounding. There are none. The mischevious fellow who brought you there has disappeared without sound. You are alone. Then it happens, he sees you. The Don lays eyes on you and slowly graces you with an omnipotent smirk followed by an exhale of cumulous smoke. Without knowing how you find yourself standing near him while he speaks to you in Spanish and fills all your pockets with cigars that aren't on the market yet.
He continues to speak and make hand motions while you stand in a surreal haze of enlightenment. The conversation transcends your not knowing Spanish and soon you two are getting along like Bob and Doug Mackenzie. You smoke cigar after cigar and have never tasted anything on God's green earth that comes within range of the flavors dancing on your palatte. Walking through the secret fields of tobacco plants you feel and breath in the sweetest aromas any nose has known.
On the far edge of the field you are greeted by a long black stretch limousine and a chauffeur who graciously opens the door for you. Inside are even more cigars along with and a beautiful woman barely wearing a thin summer dress. She gracefully lights your cigar and pours you a scotch on the rocks. You and the Don enjoy a last few fleeting moments before the night must end.
Without giving any directions the limo stops in front of your hotel and you float out. One last hand wave goodbye and the limo cruises on to places unknown, leaving a faint trail of smoke in its wake, while you proceed back to reality.
Back in the hotel room the wife is happy to see you after a successful day of shopping and eating at fine restaurants. The kids are asleep in their beds and looking as beautiful as angels. You have no need to explain your day as she is happy to see the obvious glow on your face and haze in your eyes. The remaining days of the vacation pass in esctasy, having fun doing whatever comes your way. You return home completely rejuvenated and refreshed, ready to tackle the most impossible problems at work and home with the greatest of ease. Nothing seems hard, not any more, you were in the presence of the Don.
Laughing my a** off at these, keep it coming.
Winner 1: Millennium115, got the destination spot on. Dates were a bit off but pretty close. Great guess. I'll PM you shortly so we can work this out.
Winner 2: This was much harder. Official winner is (drumroll), dramatic pause..... Bigharpoon. Love the part where the Don is talking to me in espanola and it just doesn't matter. Diamondog, had tough time getting past the butt to face pic, just scary - otherwise great post. Fourto, my wife and I were talking about going over the falls in a barrel for no apparent reason the other day - weird. NYHC you get best WTF post for sure, still shaking my head at that one a bit. So, Bigharp wins the promised 10 stick, but in appreciation of your efforts, I am sending out runner up prizes to the other 3. PM me and we'll see what happens.