The other night I was invited out for a night with "the girls." I told my husband that I would be home by midnight. "I promise!"

Well, the hours passed and the margaritas went down WAY too easy. Around 3 in the morning and a bit loaded, I headed for home. Just as I got in the door, the cuckoo clock in the hall started up and cuckooed 3 times.

Quickly realizing my husband would probably wake up, I cuckooed another 9 times. I was really proud of myself for coming up with such a quick-witted solution in order to escape a possible conflict with him. (Even when totally smashed)....3 cuckoos plus 9 cuckoos totals 12 cuckoos = midnight.

The next morning my husband asked me what time I got in and I told him "midnight!" He didn't seem mad at all. Got away with that one!

Then he said, "We need a new cuckoo clock." When I asked him why?, he said, "Well, last night our clock cuckooed 3 times, then said, "Oh crap", Cuckooed 4 more times, cleared its throat, cuckooed another 3 times, giggled, cuckooed twice more, and then tripped over the coffee table and farted.

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"Sometimes I think that the surest sign that intelligent life exsists in outer space is that none of it has tried to contact us yet."


Calvin, speaking to Hobbes

I hate it when the clock starts farting in the middle of the night. Always stinks

nice

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Kuzi's cigar catalog blending 101 developing your palate

Smokey hasn't posted a joke yet that I didn't lmao at.

Nice.

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In this kind of town, say you kick someone in the head. They'll just, well, they'll likely sue you... but mad? No, they don't get mad.

~ Gogol Bordello "Punk Rock Parranda"