A boy goes to his father one day and asks him "Dad, what does a vagina look like?"

"Well son" the dad replies. "Before sex, a vagina is a beautiful, delicate thing. Like a perfect, little flower..."

Curious, the boy asks "And what about after sex?"

"Son," the father looks intently at his boy. "You ever seen a pitbull eat mayonnaise?"

1. Open a new/empty file in your computer.
2. Name it 'Barack Obama'.
3. Send it to the Recycle Bin.
4. Empty the Recycle Bin.
5. Your PC will ask you: "Do you really want to get rid of 'Barack Obama?'"
6. Firmly Click 'Yes.'
7. Feel better?

GOOD! - Tomorrow we'll do Nancy Pelosi.

The children had all been photographed, and the teacher was trying to persuade them each to buy a copy of the group picture.

"Just think how nice it will be to look at it when you are all grown up and say, "There's Jennifer; she's a lawyer,' or "That's Michael, he's a doctor.'"

A small voice at the back of the room rang out, "And there's the teacher. She's dead."

Rob1110:

A boy goes to his father one day and asks him "Dad, what does a vagina look like?"

"Well son" the dad replies. "Before sex, a vagina is a beautiful, delicate thing. Like a perfect, little flower..."

Curious, the boy asks "And what about after sex?"

"Son," the father looks intently at his boy. "You ever seen a pitbull eat mayonnaise?"

Thats disgusting...

Anyways, a pirate walks into bar with a tiller down his pants. He orders a beer and the bartender says "sure, but why do you have a tiller down your pants?" The pirate says "Arr, I don't know but it's drivin me nuts!!!"

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"Last night I went to a fight, and a hockey game broke out" Rodney Dangerfield

this is an old one but I laugh everytime I hear it.

So a guy walks into a bar










why didn't he duck?

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"All things are possible through faith in The Beard."
- j0z3r 1/15/2010


pure.refreshing.bacon.

did I miss something on that one?

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Work called! They said if you dont come in on Friday, dont bother to come in on Monday! - Whoo hoo four day weekend!

Jdorais:

this is an old one but I laugh everytime I hear it.

So a guy walks into a bar










why didn't he duck?

i always heard this as

three men walk into a bar, the fourth one ducks.



i love jokes like that.


such as:

a white guy, a black guy, and a chines guy walk into a bar. the bartender looks at them and asks "is this some kind of a joke?"



yeah.... im a nerd

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Kuzi's cigar catalog blending 101 developing your palate

If we're gonna do cheesey jokes, here are some favs:

A horse walks into a bar. Bartender asks, "Why the long face?"

A String walks into a bar. Bartender tells the string, "We don't serve your kind here!"
String walks outside, ties himself into a knot and messes up his hair. He turns around and walks back into the bar.
Bartender says, "Aren't you the string that was just in here?"
String replies, "'Frayed knot!"

kuzi16:

Jdorais:

this is an old one but I laugh everytime I hear it.

So a guy walks into a bar










why didn't he duck?

i always heard this as

three men walk into a bar, the fourth one ducks.



i love jokes like that.


such as:

a white guy, a black guy, and a chines guy walk into a bar. the bartender looks at them and asks "is this some kind of a joke?"



yeah.... im a nerd

I like your version way better so I'm gonna steal it.

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"All things are possible through faith in The Beard."
- j0z3r 1/15/2010


pure.refreshing.bacon.

so to make up for that last bomb of a joke and because it is thanksgiving week I searched and read through tons of jokes and found this one.
Enjoy:
Bob and Martha have been married for 15 years. Every morning for 15 years, Bob wakes up, farts loudly, rolls over onto his back and gets up for work.


Every morning for 15 years, Martha says, "One of these days, you're gonna fart your guts out!"

One Thanksgiving morning, Martha's preparing the turkey and gets an idea. Before her husband gets up, she creeps upstairs and places the turkey innards in his pajama bottoms, giggling to herself.

Well, later that morning, Bob wakes up and goes through his morning ritual. He screams as he goes running into the bathroom. Martha laughs, but is concerned after noticing that Bob has been in the bathroom for 3 hours.

She runs upstairs, and is about to knock on the door, when Bob opens up, pale as a ghost. He says, "You were right. You were right. I did fart my guts out, but by the grace of God and these two fingers I got them back up there again."

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"All things are possible through faith in The Beard."
- j0z3r 1/15/2010


pure.refreshing.bacon.

Jdorais:

so to make up for that last bomb of a joke and because it is thanksgiving week I searched and read through tons of jokes and found this one.
Enjoy:
Bob and Martha have been married for 15 years. Every morning for 15 years, Bob wakes up, farts loudly, rolls over onto his back and gets up for work.


Every morning for 15 years, Martha says, "One of these days, you're gonna fart your guts out!"

One Thanksgiving morning, Martha's preparing the turkey and gets an idea. Before her husband gets up, she creeps upstairs and places the turkey innards in his pajama bottoms, giggling to herself.

Well, later that morning, Bob wakes up and goes through his morning ritual. He screams as he goes running into the bathroom. Martha laughs, but is concerned after noticing that Bob has been in the bathroom for 3 hours.

She runs upstairs, and is about to knock on the door, when Bob opens up, pale as a ghost. He says, "You were right. You were right. I did fart my guts out, but by the grace of God and these two fingers I got them back up there again."

I've heard this one before, but his wife was a butcher and used pig innards. Still gets a little chuckle no matter how it's told.

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Only real men cut their cigars with the tusks of elephants.- Hugemoose

A rich rancher passes away leaving everything to his attractive widow. Determined to keep the ranch but knowing nothing about how to run it she runs an ad for a hired hand. Two cowboys answer the ad -a gay cowboy and a drunkard cowboy. After no one else applies she finally decides , I'll hire the gay one , should be safer with him around than the drunkard. He works out quite well and after 2 weeks of really really hard work she tells him on saturday evening he should go into town and "kick up his heels". He agrees he could use the rest. By midnight he's not back from town , 1o'clock no cowboy , 2 o'clock still no hired hand. Finally at 3 o 'clock in the morning he creeps into the house and heads to his room. The attractive widow is sitting by the fireplace with a half empty bottle of wine. She orders him to come over to where shes sitting next to the fireplace. Unbotton my blouse and take it off she orders. With trembling hands he obeys and drops the blouse on the floor. Now take off my boots she orders. Again ever so slowly he removes her boots. Now take off my socks. Very gently with trembling hands he removes the socks and lays them neatly by the boots. Now take off my skirt. With trepidition he removes the skirt and lets it fall to the floor. Now remove my bra. Hands now visibly shaking he removes her bra and lets it slide to the floor. Now, says the attractive widow " If you ever wear my clothes into town again I will fire you on the spot !!!"

Nice Gene. HA!

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When the people fear their government, there is tyranny; when the government fears the people, there is liberty.

Thomas Jefferson

What is the definition of the ultimate rejection ?
When your hand goes to sleep !
I had about a 70 year old dude jacked up on meds tell me that yesterday ...he was quite funny for a guy thats normally really serious ...LMAO

What is jello? Kool aid with a hard on. The old janitor at my high school used to tell us jokes like that all the time. He was cool as sh!t, heres to you crazy Carl you dirty old man.

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My toys 2006 650r Ninja, 2008 chevy cobalt w/ 2 Memphis 10" m3 in a ported box, pr1000 watt amp, pr4-50 watt, m3 speakers around, and 6" pioneer double din.