A boy goes to his father one day and asks him "Dad, what does a vagina look like?"

"Well son" the dad replies. "Before sex, a vagina is a beautiful, delicate thing. Like a perfect, little flower..."

Curious, the boy asks "And what about after sex?"

"Son," the father looks intently at his boy. "You ever seen a pitbull eat mayonnaise?"

1. Open a new/empty file in your computer.
2. Name it 'Barack Obama'.
3. Send it to the Recycle Bin.
4. Empty the Recycle Bin.
5. Your PC will ask you: "Do you really want to get rid of 'Barack Obama?'"
6. Firmly Click 'Yes.'
7. Feel better?

GOOD! - Tomorrow we'll do Nancy Pelosi.

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"It's like a retarded political version of ding-dong ditch" - Lasabar

The children had all been photographed, and the teacher was trying to persuade them each to buy a copy of the group picture.

"Just think how nice it will be to look at it when you are all grown up and say, "There's Jennifer; she's a lawyer,' or "That's Michael, he's a doctor.'"

A small voice at the back of the room rang out, "And there's the teacher. She's dead."

Rob1110:

A boy goes to his father one day and asks him "Dad, what does a vagina look like?"

"Well son" the dad replies. "Before sex, a vagina is a beautiful, delicate thing. Like a perfect, little flower..."

Curious, the boy asks "And what about after sex?"

"Son," the father looks intently at his boy. "You ever seen a pitbull eat mayonnaise?"

Thats disgusting...

Anyways, a pirate walks into bar with a tiller down his pants. He orders a beer and the bartender says "sure, but why do you have a tiller down your pants?" The pirate says "Arr, I don't know but it's drivin me nuts!!!"

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"Beer makes you smart" Riley Millar

this is an old one but I laugh everytime I hear it.

So a guy walks into a bar










why didn't he duck?

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pure.refreshing.bacon.

bacon is the new black

did I miss something on that one?

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Work called! They said if you dont come in on Friday, dont bother to come in on Monday! - Whoo hoo four day weekend!

Jdorais:

this is an old one but I laugh everytime I hear it.

So a guy walks into a bar










why didn't he duck?

i always heard this as

three men walk into a bar, the fourth one ducks.



i love jokes like that.


such as:

a white guy, a black guy, and a chines guy walk into a bar. the bartender looks at them and asks "is this some kind of a joke?"



yeah.... im a nerd

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Kuzi's cigar catalog blending 101 developing your palate

If we're gonna do cheesey jokes, here are some favs:

A horse walks into a bar. Bartender asks, "Why the long face?"

A String walks into a bar. Bartender tells the string, "We don't serve your kind here!"
String walks outside, ties himself into a knot and messes up his hair. He turns around and walks back into the bar.
Bartender says, "Aren't you the string that was just in here?"
String replies, "'Frayed knot!"

kuzi16:

Jdorais:

this is an old one but I laugh everytime I hear it.

So a guy walks into a bar










why didn't he duck?

i always heard this as

three men walk into a bar, the fourth one ducks.



i love jokes like that.


such as:

a white guy, a black guy, and a chines guy walk into a bar. the bartender looks at them and asks "is this some kind of a joke?"



yeah.... im a nerd

I like your version way better so I'm gonna steal it.

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pure.refreshing.bacon.

bacon is the new black

so to make up for that last bomb of a joke and because it is thanksgiving week I searched and read through tons of jokes and found this one.
Enjoy:
Bob and Martha have been married for 15 years. Every morning for 15 years, Bob wakes up, farts loudly, rolls over onto his back and gets up for work.


Every morning for 15 years, Martha says, "One of these days, you're gonna fart your guts out!"

One Thanksgiving morning, Martha's preparing the turkey and gets an idea. Before her husband gets up, she creeps upstairs and places the turkey innards in his pajama bottoms, giggling to herself.

Well, later that morning, Bob wakes up and goes through his morning ritual. He screams as he goes running into the bathroom. Martha laughs, but is concerned after noticing that Bob has been in the bathroom for 3 hours.

She runs upstairs, and is about to knock on the door, when Bob opens up, pale as a ghost. He says, "You were right. You were right. I did fart my guts out, but by the grace of God and these two fingers I got them back up there again."

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pure.refreshing.bacon.

bacon is the new black

Jdorais:

so to make up for that last bomb of a joke and because it is thanksgiving week I searched and read through tons of jokes and found this one.
Enjoy:
Bob and Martha have been married for 15 years. Every morning for 15 years, Bob wakes up, farts loudly, rolls over onto his back and gets up for work.


Every morning for 15 years, Martha says, "One of these days, you're gonna fart your guts out!"

One Thanksgiving morning, Martha's preparing the turkey and gets an idea. Before her husband gets up, she creeps upstairs and places the turkey innards in his pajama bottoms, giggling to herself.

Well, later that morning, Bob wakes up and goes through his morning ritual. He screams as he goes running into the bathroom. Martha laughs, but is concerned after noticing that Bob has been in the bathroom for 3 hours.

She runs upstairs, and is about to knock on the door, when Bob opens up, pale as a ghost. He says, "You were right. You were right. I did fart my guts out, but by the grace of God and these two fingers I got them back up there again."

I've heard this one before, but his wife was a butcher and used pig innards. Still gets a little chuckle no matter how it's told.

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Only real men cut their cigars with the tusks of elephants.- Hugemoose