Whats the difference between jelly and jam?

You can't jelly your dich up a girls a$$

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My toys 2006 650r Ninja, 2008 chevy cobalt w/ 2 Memphis 10" m3 in a ported box, pr1000 watt amp, pr4-50 watt, m3 speakers around, and 6" pioneer double din.

gmill880:

A man boarded a plane with 6 children. After getting them all settled in their seats a woman leans over and says 'are all those kids yours?' No, replied the man. I work for a condom company and these are customer complaints I'm taking back to the home office !

.. Hey gmill.. What company was that anyway ? .. what say you Reaissance man.

kaspera79:

gmill880:

A man boarded a plane with 6 children. After getting them all settled in their seats a woman leans over and says 'are all those kids yours?' No, replied the man. I work for a condom company and these are customer complaints I'm taking back to the home office !

.. Hey gmill.. What company was that anyway ? .. what say you Reaissance man.

I think it was the 'Trojan Split' ...LOL

Or the Curse of Ramses.

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Alcohol, Tobacco, and Firearms (and Explosives!) should be a convenience store - not a government agency.

A man asks his wife, "What would you do if I won the lottery?" The wife replies, "I would take half and leave you." The man hands her $6 and says, "Good, I won twelve bucks, here's your half. Get the hell out!"


A prostitute, feeling sick, visits her doctor. The doctor informs her that she's pregnant and asks "Do you know who the father is?" The prostitute replies "Well, when you eat a bunch of beans, do you know which one makes you fart?"

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Only real men cut their cigars with the tusks of elephants.- Hugemoose

What do you call a vegetarian with diarrhea? Salad Shooter.

What do you do when you see a one-legged teenager hopping around in your front yard?

Stop laughing and reload ;-)



(To be honest, this joke started out with a black man instead, but I don't like racist jokes and I hate teenagers.... :-) )

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For the time will come when people will not put up with sound doctrine. Instead, to suit their own desires, they will gather around them a great number of teachers to say what their itching ears want to hear.
2 Timothy 4:3

This is just good ol' funny right here. Most of you have probably seen something like this, but I always end up in laughing stupor...no matter how many times I've seen it.

Hopefully the link works right, this is the first time I've tried a link like this.

One day, a man came home from work and found his wife in the bedroom dressed in a sexy nightie.
She purred as she said, "tie me up and do whatever you want."

So he tied her up and went fishing.

A blonde girl texted me once with the question: "wat does idk mean?"
I responed: "I don't know"
She replied: "Oh my god no one knows what it means!"

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My favs are in my bio! You should do the same!

dennisking:

Every time you call in on your Ccom order, I suggest saying "All Hail the Beard" before you hang up. It's like a secret handshake.

A wife was making a breakfast of fried eggs for her husband. Suddenly, her husband burst into the kitchen.

"Careful," he said, "CAREFUL! Put in some more butter! Oh my GOD! You're cooking too many at once. TOO MANY! Turn them! TURN THEM NOW! We need more butter. Oh my GOD! WHERE are we going to get MORE BUTTER? They're going to STICK!

Careful...CAREFUL! I said be CAREFUL! You NEVER listen to me when you're cooking! Never! Turn them! Hurry up! Are you CRAZY? Have you LOST your mind?

Don't forget to salt them. You know you always forget to salt them. Use the salt. USE THE SALT! THE SALT!!! THE SALT!!!"

The wife stared at him. "What in the world is wrong with you? You think I don't know how to fry a couple of eggs?"

The husband calmly replied, "I wanted to show you what it feels like when I'm driving."

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My favs are in my bio! You should do the same!

dennisking:

Every time you call in on your Ccom order, I suggest saying "All Hail the Beard" before you hang up. It's like a secret handshake.

A little boy goes up to his father and asks: "Dad, what's the difference between hypothetical and reality?" The father replies: "Well son, I could give you the book definitions, but I feel it could be best to show you by example. Go upstairs and ask your mother if she'd have sex with the mailman for $500,000."

The boy goes and asks his mother: "Mom, would you have sex with the mailman for $500,000?" The mother replies: "Hell yes I would!"

The little boy returns to his father: "Dad, she said 'Hell yes I would!'"

The father then says: "Okay, now go and ask your older sister if she'd have sex with her principal for $500,000."

The boy asks his sister: "Would you have sex with your principal for $500,000?" The sister replies: "Hell yes I would!"

He returns to his father: "Dad, she said 'Hell yes I would!'"

The father answers: "Okay son, here's the deal: Hypothetically, we're millionaires, but in reality, we're just living with a couple of whores."

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My favs are in my bio! You should do the same!

dennisking:

Every time you call in on your Ccom order, I suggest saying "All Hail the Beard" before you hang up. It's like a secret handshake.

BStayer:

This is just good ol' funny right here. Most of you have probably seen something like this, but I always end up in laughing stupor...no matter how many times I've seen it.

Hopefully the link works right, this is the first time I've tried a link like this.

Oh man I was laughing for a good ten minutes after watching that. And now I know Jack Schitt.

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brsmith21:

I've heard the first step is admitting that you have a problem. Thankfully, I don't have a problem. I'll just smoke more.

What do you call a cow with two legs?

Lean beef.

A couple made a deal that whoever died first would come back and inform the other of the afterlife. Their biggest fear was that there was no afterlife.

After a long life, the husband was the first to go, and true to his word, he made contact, "Mary . . Mary . ."

"Is that you, Fred?"

"Yes, I've come back like we agreed."

"What's it like?"

"Well, I get up in the morning, I have sex. I have breakfast, off to the golf course, I have sex. I bathe in the sun, then I have sex twice. I have lunch, another romp around the golf course, then sex pretty much all afternoon. After supper, golf course again. Then I have sex until late at night."

"The next day it starts again."

"Oh, Fred you surely must be in heaven."

"Not exactly, I'm a rabbit on a golf course in Arizona."