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Contest for CCom "Darwin Award" (with my long story)
FireRob
Posts: 1,890 ✭✭✭
Below is my story, and I thought Id see if any of you could make me feel better about how stupid I felt
In this contest I want to hear your worst cigar horror story. The better the carnage the better chance you have of winning a little fiver from me. Ill give everyone a chance to write up their story and select a winner on Monday April 21st.
Rules:
1. Story must be true and your story. (if it happened to your buddy who is not a member of Ccom then you as a True BOTL should share the winnings with your buddy)(however nominations are welcome, if its another members story that I have never read and they dont want to bring back up the terrible memories. By all means share that story here)
2. All are welcome to participate. Newest noob or the most FOG here.
3. Winner will be based on several factors to be determined by me and some I might not think of until I decide who the winner is just because I say so, but I will take into account, that the demise of the cigars was because it was your fault not some random act of nature. The more cigars or most valuable or special to you, you lost the better, the more sad the story the better, the funnier the story the better.
4. Any story is a good story, could be about the first time you got tricked into buying a fake Cuban at 200% over retail price, the time you had that rare and special Opus X with ten years of age on it that you had been saving for the fishing trip of a life time with all four generations of males in your family and you dropped it in the water after only two puffs. The time you accidently filled your triple torch lighter with rocket fuel Etc.
Time for my long winded story of why I felt like the worlds worst BOTL in history. Little bit of back ground for those who dont know. I am a fireman and on occasion when the mood strikes and the citizens are not keeping us super busy, me and the guys will smoke a cigar in the designated smoking area (the truck room). I work at a very busy station and even on the best of days we can be guaranteed to get a call in the middle of the smoke. For this reason I try not to bring my good smokes to work (anyone remember my Embarrassed By Whats In Your Humidor Trade a while back?) Just a week or two ago I bought the Black Ops 40 count travel herf-a-dor that was on sale for $30 here on Ccom. I kept this loaded up with all the cigars from my Embarrassed Trade and I bring it with me to and from work each shift I am on duty.
So last shift on the day I was getting relieved from work was the day of our annual Union BBQ (paid for with union dues, NOT tax money). This is a two day long come and go as you like fireman only (no wives or GFs allowed) get together extravaganza that everyone looks forward to each year. There is food galore, I am talking sliced brisket, two kinds of sausage, smoked ham, thick chunks of smoked bologna (my absolute favorite thing and what I look forward to the most!!) and all the fixings, Ice cold draft beverages and if you know who to ask even a few drinks you might or might not want on the rocks, some card playing over here, dice shooting over there. Point is it is a great time and a good opportunity to smoke a cigar and share one with a buddy.
So, on this day I had all the usual yard gars loaded in my brand new 40 ct herf-a-dor and a few special ones for myself and a couple for others who I know would appreciate a good cigar. That morning just like every morning as I got relieved to go home I take out to my truck my gym bag in one hand and my herf-a-dor in the other. I set the herf-a-dor on the tool box that goes across the bed near the cab of the truck, set the gym bag on the ground and get out my truck keys to unlock the truck. I throw the gym bag in the passenger seat and go around and jump in the driver seat and head on home. See where this is headed yet????
I get home, see the mother in law off, go about my daily chores, feed the twins, play with them a little while. Then I figure, lets check on the supply of cigars and make sure its loaded with everything I think I might need or want for the BBQ. Well its not sitting next to my Gym bag, I run out to the truck to grab it and guess what, its not there either Now I am cussing every word you can imagine. I tore my truck apart looking everywhere including the bed. I think well maybe I didnt bring it home at all. I text one of the guys at the station and tell him where to look in my office. He texts back. Nope not there I freak out and ask him to check a few more places throughout the station I might have put it. Nope not there either This time I know for sure I left it on the tool box in the back of my truck and it slid right off on the first corner I turned and its gone forever and now a homeless guy or some hood rat is smoking my stash, living the good gangster life.
I now pack up my tiny five count travel humidor and once the wife got home from work I head out to the BBQ with my now much smaller supply of cigars for the night. By the time I got there the smoked bologna was all gone and I was just in a down in the dumps mood. Not much out there that can dampen the spirits of a fat guy quicker than when he finds out there is no more smoked bologna that he only gets once a year, and just lost 40 cigars earlier that day.
The happy ending. The BBQ was one of the worst I had seen in my 16 years on the department. They said the lunch time crowd was bigger but Come dinner time, out of 900 guys on the department there was about 25 to 30 people there during the time I was there from 6:00 till 8 Oclockish. Only one table of old retirees playing cards, no one at the dice table, the beer was not that cold OH and did I mention yet the smoked bologna was gone??? So me and one of the guys I normally work with decided to bail out early and head over to my favorite B&M and hang out there. I spent the big bucks and had my first Padron 1926 80th anniversary maduro and it was a great cigar. Enjoyed talking to the owner of the shop and just hung out a while. Helped the owner close up shop then went home. Today I am back at work and I start my search for my missing humidor. Look in all my usual places I set it down, checked my lockers and still nothing Until I looked behind the recliner in my office I then saw a bright light from above and heard angels singing and there it was. My Black Ops 40 count travel humidor fully loaded just the way I had it.
In this contest I want to hear your worst cigar horror story. The better the carnage the better chance you have of winning a little fiver from me. Ill give everyone a chance to write up their story and select a winner on Monday April 21st.
Rules:
1. Story must be true and your story. (if it happened to your buddy who is not a member of Ccom then you as a True BOTL should share the winnings with your buddy)(however nominations are welcome, if its another members story that I have never read and they dont want to bring back up the terrible memories. By all means share that story here)
2. All are welcome to participate. Newest noob or the most FOG here.
3. Winner will be based on several factors to be determined by me and some I might not think of until I decide who the winner is just because I say so, but I will take into account, that the demise of the cigars was because it was your fault not some random act of nature. The more cigars or most valuable or special to you, you lost the better, the more sad the story the better, the funnier the story the better.
4. Any story is a good story, could be about the first time you got tricked into buying a fake Cuban at 200% over retail price, the time you had that rare and special Opus X with ten years of age on it that you had been saving for the fishing trip of a life time with all four generations of males in your family and you dropped it in the water after only two puffs. The time you accidently filled your triple torch lighter with rocket fuel Etc.
Time for my long winded story of why I felt like the worlds worst BOTL in history. Little bit of back ground for those who dont know. I am a fireman and on occasion when the mood strikes and the citizens are not keeping us super busy, me and the guys will smoke a cigar in the designated smoking area (the truck room). I work at a very busy station and even on the best of days we can be guaranteed to get a call in the middle of the smoke. For this reason I try not to bring my good smokes to work (anyone remember my Embarrassed By Whats In Your Humidor Trade a while back?) Just a week or two ago I bought the Black Ops 40 count travel herf-a-dor that was on sale for $30 here on Ccom. I kept this loaded up with all the cigars from my Embarrassed Trade and I bring it with me to and from work each shift I am on duty.
So last shift on the day I was getting relieved from work was the day of our annual Union BBQ (paid for with union dues, NOT tax money). This is a two day long come and go as you like fireman only (no wives or GFs allowed) get together extravaganza that everyone looks forward to each year. There is food galore, I am talking sliced brisket, two kinds of sausage, smoked ham, thick chunks of smoked bologna (my absolute favorite thing and what I look forward to the most!!) and all the fixings, Ice cold draft beverages and if you know who to ask even a few drinks you might or might not want on the rocks, some card playing over here, dice shooting over there. Point is it is a great time and a good opportunity to smoke a cigar and share one with a buddy.
So, on this day I had all the usual yard gars loaded in my brand new 40 ct herf-a-dor and a few special ones for myself and a couple for others who I know would appreciate a good cigar. That morning just like every morning as I got relieved to go home I take out to my truck my gym bag in one hand and my herf-a-dor in the other. I set the herf-a-dor on the tool box that goes across the bed near the cab of the truck, set the gym bag on the ground and get out my truck keys to unlock the truck. I throw the gym bag in the passenger seat and go around and jump in the driver seat and head on home. See where this is headed yet????
I get home, see the mother in law off, go about my daily chores, feed the twins, play with them a little while. Then I figure, lets check on the supply of cigars and make sure its loaded with everything I think I might need or want for the BBQ. Well its not sitting next to my Gym bag, I run out to the truck to grab it and guess what, its not there either Now I am cussing every word you can imagine. I tore my truck apart looking everywhere including the bed. I think well maybe I didnt bring it home at all. I text one of the guys at the station and tell him where to look in my office. He texts back. Nope not there I freak out and ask him to check a few more places throughout the station I might have put it. Nope not there either This time I know for sure I left it on the tool box in the back of my truck and it slid right off on the first corner I turned and its gone forever and now a homeless guy or some hood rat is smoking my stash, living the good gangster life.
I now pack up my tiny five count travel humidor and once the wife got home from work I head out to the BBQ with my now much smaller supply of cigars for the night. By the time I got there the smoked bologna was all gone and I was just in a down in the dumps mood. Not much out there that can dampen the spirits of a fat guy quicker than when he finds out there is no more smoked bologna that he only gets once a year, and just lost 40 cigars earlier that day.
The happy ending. The BBQ was one of the worst I had seen in my 16 years on the department. They said the lunch time crowd was bigger but Come dinner time, out of 900 guys on the department there was about 25 to 30 people there during the time I was there from 6:00 till 8 Oclockish. Only one table of old retirees playing cards, no one at the dice table, the beer was not that cold OH and did I mention yet the smoked bologna was gone??? So me and one of the guys I normally work with decided to bail out early and head over to my favorite B&M and hang out there. I spent the big bucks and had my first Padron 1926 80th anniversary maduro and it was a great cigar. Enjoyed talking to the owner of the shop and just hung out a while. Helped the owner close up shop then went home. Today I am back at work and I start my search for my missing humidor. Look in all my usual places I set it down, checked my lockers and still nothing Until I looked behind the recliner in my office I then saw a bright light from above and heard angels singing and there it was. My Black Ops 40 count travel humidor fully loaded just the way I had it.
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Comments
Funny story though Fire. Glad you found your case.
Cigars + Beer are the two main reasons I go to the golf course !!!!
* I have a new address as of 3/24/18 *
Clearly you all know that I was doing something wrong, but I blamed the quality cigars. Needless to say, I marked some off as bad without good evidence. Until.... I went to a B&M for the first time, and after a more experienced smoker saw me "toast" he mentioned that I didn't really light the filler.
Basically, the videos I had seen on toasting led me to believe that you just toasted the edge all the way around and it was supposed to spread inwards. After I corrected my method it's been smooth sailing from there. But wow did I feel like a dolt after realizing my poor technique had hurt my experience with some 10 different cigars, all of which I have revisited since with mostly better results.
Glock, I can relate to a degree as I am sure a lot of people can. Even the guys I smoke with at work have done me this way. One of the guys is a total Robusto kind of guy, that is about all the Tabaco he can or wants to smoke. I am a toro sized guy and buy and smoke a lot of toros. I am always giving the guys I work with some decent cigars and every time the Robusto guy smokes about half the cigar and wastes the rest. One of the other guys was smoking one of my prized Camacho Mike Ditkas, took a few puffs and never puffed on it again, I later asked him what was wrong and he said he did not care for it. May not have been an Opus but for me it might as well have been one. Now days I am a little more care full with what I share with the guys at work
Is that a state law? You need to move. Banning cigars from a golf course is like banning hot dogs from a baseball stadium.
Just kidding, sort of. My stupid mistakes don't have to do with losing cigars; they're more about ash in the face and things like that. There was the one time I had a bit of tobacco get in my mouth and I tried to spit it out...into the wind. I've recounted the burning cedar wrap blowing across the yard on at least one thread.
The biggest mistake I made was with three gifted cigars before I started smoking them. I had no clue about this storage humidity issue. I thought it was just a pretty box. That JdN Antano smoked fast. It was gross. Every time I've tried that cigar I hate it, but it's probably because I remember the first one I ever had...
I like Oliva and Quesada (including Regius) a lot. I will smoke anything, though.
So the package were for three rounds of golf a person with two rooms over the weekend. We got their after work on Friday and it was too late to make a tee time. So we were going to play 36 holes on Saturday. During the first round we decided to light up our sticks and celebrate our manliness. After about a 30 minutes, all of us got nauseous and light headed, and generally didn't like the cigar. No one finished the cigar and this set me back from trying a cigar again for a few years.
So we finished the day of two rounds of golf feeling like (insert bad word). We decided to skip the last round we had left for Sunday. We still had a great time but we were cigar-scarred for a while.
Oh and the cigar we had? Romeo y Julieta Reserve Maduro. I learned that my first cigar should not have been a full bodied cigar.
good storys, keep them coming
And it happened right here, not too long ago. Some of you know some of the story.
RCY announces he wants to send me some sticks. Asks me for my address. Being a contrarian, I think it would be cute to fool around. I give him the address of Phil Whistlepig at Gobbler's Knob. I've done this before, telling people Michael Maus in Anaheim or Don Alduck in Florida. Making them work for it. Problem is, RCY takes me seriously and has c.com ship an order to Punxsutawney Phil. Week later RCY hearing nothing asks me whether the package went astray. I ask where'd you send it. Gobblers Knob. I call whistlepig headquarters. Nice gal there tells me a package with 15 cigars arrived, which exactly matches the number of fifteen men in Phil's what they call Inner Circle, that they all love cigars, that they plan on passing them out at their meeting that very night. I figure it's Kismet, so instead of talking her into sending them back, I talk her into sending out a stuffed groundhog to RCY. I consult my on line borkodex, hand her a credit card number and what I believe to be RCY's address. Wrong. He moved. So far I think this is all funnier than poop on a stick. Rick not so much. Never one to leave bad enough alone I cook up the idea of the twelve days of whistlepig. For twelve days every day I shoot out th;ree cigars in a little box. Sposed to arrive one box a day regular as clockwork. Two probs with that. One I still have the wrong address.and two I'm still being a smart aleck so my return addresses are Johnny Sotweedseed and crap like that. Far as I can do the math he shot me fifteen sticks I shot him thirty six but out of the whole pile only fifteen arrived at their intended target. All cause I had to be a smart aleck. Now Rick thinks I'm a something that rhymes with his name.
Oh what a tangled web we weave when first we practice to deceive.
Have I learned my lesson? Prolly not.
Towards the end of my stag party(it started with half a bottle of Buillet Bourbon at 4pm, and ended asleep on a table in a diner on my breakfast at 4 am),I smoked an ISOM given to me by a buddy, and several cigarettes(I don't smoke cigs, but apparantly "blackout drunk," me does). All I had was my single torch on me... 2 days later I got out of bed and realized that I had torched a line from my lip to my chin. Fantastic.
AND
webmost because this @$$ hole needs some redemption on his side. I do remember reading some of the thread about the groundhog from RYC's post
Ok boys send me them address's and webmost don't screw around this time please. Better yet if anyone has his actual postal address please send it to me.
Apostolic Palace
Vatican City State, 00120